The (Other) End of the Internet

The last stop on the information superhighway. All traffic must exit in 500 feet.

Welcome back!

The Obnoxious Neighbor was droning on yesterday about something or other while I was standing in the cold with an armload of groceries and a very full bladder. I honestly wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying because I was trying, and failing, to silently get the point across that I needed to do something other than listen to him yammer on about something.

At one point I heard him say something about having conjugated linoleic acid, so I can only assume he was talking about some foreign language class he’s taking.

So, how exactly do you tell someone to shut their bloody pie hole without being rude or offending them?

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I recently stumbled upon a list of fifty things that mankind discovered over the course of 2009. There are a lot of surprising things on this list but what disturbs me the most is number twelve.

I’ll be frank: I have made no attempt whatsoever to verify any of these statements. With that said, here is a partial list. The full list is available at www.att.net

1. Domestic pigs can quickly learn how mirrors work and use them to find food.

2. Grumpy people think more clearly because negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking.

3. High cholesterol levels in midlife are associated with an increased risk of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia later in life.

4. Analysis of Greenland ice samples shows Europe froze solid in less than 12 months 12,800 years ago, partly due to a slowdown of the Gulf Stream. Once triggered, the cold persisted for 1,300 years.

5. One mutated gene is the reason humans have language, and chimpanzees, our closest relative, do not.

6. Obesity in teenage girls may increase their risk of later developing multiple sclerosis.

7. A fossil skeleton of an Aardonyx celestae dinosaur discovered in South Africa appears to be the missing link between the earliest dinosaurs that walked on two legs and the large plant-eating sauropods that walked on all four.

8. Women who have undergone successful breast cancer treatment are more likely to experience a recurrence if they have dense breast tissue.

9. Babies pick up their parents’ accents from the womb, and infants are born crying in their native dialect. Researchers found that French newborns cry in a rising French accent, and German babies cry with a characteristic falling inflection.

10. Surfing the Internet may help delay dementia because it creates stimulation that exercises portions of the brain.

11. The oldest known silken spider webs, dating back 140 million years, were discovered in Sussex, England, preserved in amber. The webs were spun by spiders closely related to modern-day orb-web garden spiders.

12. Scientists have discovered how to scan brain activity and convert what people are seeing or remembering into crude video images.

13. Pumpkin skin contains a substance that inhibits growth of microbes that cause yeast infections.

14. Hormones that signal whether whales are pregnant, lactating or in the mood to mate have been extracted from whales’ lung mucus, captured by dangling nylon stockings from a pole over their blowholes as they surface to breathe. (This method could allow scientists to study whales without having to slaughter them.)

15. The higher a patient’s body-mass index, the less respect he or she gets from doctors.

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I remember when Compact Disks first came out, one of the things I used to do was copy a newly purchased music CD to cassette tape - back in the day when you could still buy those. I would listen to the cassette copy until I wore it out, then make a new copy from the digital “master”, thereby maximizing the lifespan of my at-the-time-very-expensive compact disks.

I’ve wanted to do the same thing with DVD’s, for mostly the same reason; they generally cost more than I want to shell out for a replacement - especially if it’s a seven-disk set of a season’s worth of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I’ve really wanted to copy the DVD’s to DVD-R disks and just use the backups, but there has always been one problem.

Dual Layer Disks.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have a disk that has four one-hour shows on it, but have you ever priced dual-layer DVD-r disks? Our local branch of America’s Largest Retailer doesn’t even have them for sale!

I did, however, recently come across an online store that has a 50-pack of 8x DVD-R Dual Layer disks for less than $30. That’s about $0.60 per disk. That’s the best price I’ve seen yet on those..

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I still have trouble believing this isn’t somebody’s idea of a joke, but according to this article that a friend showed me, the United States Patent and Trademark Office will not accept a fax that is fed into the sender’s machine upside down.

Apparently, it’s too much trouble to either turn the page over or click a “rotate” button if the office in question views faxes as .PDF files.

Rather than simply rotate the paper or image, they will send the originator of the upside down fax a notice that they need to resend the fax right-side up.

Doesn’t that sound like the U.S. Government in fine form?

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You’ve probably noticed that my blog entries have been going up on a … less than regular schedule. This is due largely to the fact that I really need a new computer. My desktop machine (”Frankenstein”) is set to dual-boot Windows XP and Kubuntu Linux, but I find myself needing Windows almost exclusively these days. For example, I’m working on a video that will eventually end up posted on this blog, but the pieces of it and the tools to finish the video are all on my Windows partition which, for some reason, will only successfully boot after about 15 or 20 attempts. Once I finally give up on Windows and boot to Linux then, because Windows wasn’t shut down properly, the Windows partition is inaccessible.

My laptop still has a problem with overhearing. The little trick of duct taping a battery operated fan over the vent hole worked great … right up until the battery died. Since then I cannot seem to get the stupid thing to STAY in the correct position. I’ve got a small CPU fan that I could super-glue over the vent, but I need to find a 12 volt power supply for sale cheap that I could hack up to get the fan going.

What I’d really like to have is a brand new ASUS notebook computer. The one I’m drooling over this week runs at 2.26 Ghz and has 4 GB of memory.With something like that I wouldn’t be terribly opposed to just retiring Frankenstein.

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Does that title confuse you a bit? It’s true, as strange as it sounds. Now, to be fair, not all modern conveniences get on my nerves. For example, I really do enjoy being able to toss a frozen dinner in the microwave oven and have it ready to eat in five minutes or so.

Some “conveniences”, however, were not invented with convenience in mind. For example, have you looked around in the average public restroom lately? I understand that those hand dryers that blow hot air are supposed to be better because there’s less paper trash, less mess to clean up, and less chance for germs to spread, but what happens if you wash your face and discover you’ve got one of those driers that won’t direct air upward? Or, better yet, what if you only went into the restroom to grab a paper towel and blow your nose? No amount of hot air is gonna help you there.

My biggest gripe about what they’re doing to a lot of public restrooms is the faucets that automatically turn themselves on and off depending on weather you are triggering a motion detector. What’s wrong with me turning on my own water, to a temperature and pressure setting that will do some good instead of something that’s rather like holding your hands under a badly functioning lawn sprinkler?

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Ever have one of those days when no matter how much you do, there’s always something else that needs doing? That’s the kind of day I’m having. I spent so much time this morning either chasing the baby or answering the phone or cleaning up a mess I found that I was an hour and a half late getting my own breakfast. After a three-hour delay, I finally managed to convince Miss Wonderful to take her nap and then I shamelessly took one at the same time. Just when I thought the rush was over, I discovered that the dogs have dragged stuff off the shelves in the garage and made a horrible mess on the garage floor that I’m going to have to sort through, then I need to run to the store.

They say there’s no rest for the weary. I agree.

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I find myself very anxious form the mail or arrive. Specifically, I’m very anxious for one particular item to arrive in the mail. As a short background, I have rheumatoid arthritis and it is very obvious just by looking at my hands. What’s not so obvious is thay my toes look just as screwed-up as my fingers. This means that I have pressure sores on my toes and they REALLY hurt. I spoke to my doctor about them and he suggested diabetic shoes.

When I called a medical supply house I was quoted a three hundred dollar price, but if I’d met my medicaid deductable it’d only be about a hundred and fifty to two hundred dollars.

At my wife’s suggestion I went to an online auction and sorted through listings for everything from sunglasses to equestrian apparel and found a pair of diabetic shoes in my size for less than sixty dollars. They even look decent.

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I really like Steven Wright because he comes up with some of the greatest one-liners, and his delivery is absolutely great.

Here are a few quotes of his, just for fun

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a basement dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… you can’t hear him talk.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

I got this powdered water - now I don’t know what to add.

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About a month ago someone picked up some Christmas candy that came in a plastic tube topped with a little airplane piloted by Santa Claus. On the side of this thing is a button that makes the battery-operated propeller spin as long as the button is pressed. Maybe this will help explain what I’m talking about:

I was thinking about the problem I have with my laptop overheating all the time when my eyes fell upon this silly thing. It dawned on me that what I need is a way to force air through the air vent in the back of the laptop, because the cooling pad underneath just isn’t enough. I decided to duct-tape this guy in front of the vent and jam the button down with a toothpick. Here is my creation:

I think I may be onto something here.According to a program I have which monitors CPU temperatures, my laptop shuts down at about 104 degrees Celsius. Generally, it has taken an average of about 15 minutes after bootup to hit that temperature. As I type this, the machine has been running for about 45 minutes and the CPU temperature is currently 84 degrees Celsius.

As an added benefit, Daughter Number Three took one look at my arrangement and proclaimed, “That’s SO Nerdy!”

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