Steven Wright Quotations
Welcome back!
I really like Steven Wright because he comes up with some of the greatest one-liners, and his delivery is absolutely great.
Here are a few quotes of his, just for fun
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a basement dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… you can’t hear him talk.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
How young can you die of old age?
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
I got this powdered water - now I don’t know what to add.
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