The (Other) End of the Internet

Cell phones.

Note I said cell phones and not “cells”. Their very name is number one on the list of things about them that make me nuts. Most people don’t see a problem with sentences like, “Do you have a cell?” The word cell is defined as:

1. a small room, as in a convent or prison.
2. any of various small compartments or bounded areas forming part of a whole.
3. a small group acting as a unit within a larger organization: a local cell of the Communist party.
4. Biology. a usually microscopic structure containing nuclear and cytoplasmic material enclosed by a semipermeable membrane and, in plants, a cell wall; the basic structural unit of all organisms.
5. Entomology. one of the areas into which the wing of an insect is divided by the veins.
6. Electricity. Also called battery, electric cell, electrochemical cell, galvanic cell, voltaic cell. a device that generates electrical energy from chemical energy, usually consisting of two different conducting substances placed in an electrolyte.

When asked the question above, my usual response is to go with definition 4 and say, “Yes, I have MILLIONS” of them.” If you want to know if I have a phone, then use the word “Phone”. It’s not THAT much extra effort, is it?

Then, there’s the joy of being out somewhere when a cell phone rings and, once everyone realizes that the music is not, in fact, someone’s low-quality radio, you get to watch everyone in the room look to see if it’s THEIR phone because, in spite of the fact that they each chose their own ringtone, nobody seems to recognize their own phone!

Now let’s discuss how annoying it is to be at a restaurant or theater somewhere and be forced to listen to someone else’s conversation because they can’t stay off the phone for two minutes. Personally, I don’t really LIKE talking on the phone and I thought call waiting was about the dumbest thing ever. If I’m talking on the phone, then I’m busy and I don’t want to be interupted by the phone! Likewise, if I’m not home, then chances are I’m busy and I don’t need the phone interupting me.

And, by the way, have you ever actually heard some of the conversations that are going on over those cell phones? I was talking to my daughter today while we were ar different ends of a department store, each of us on a cell phone. The conversation went something like this:

Daughter: You… …. …. ….. ….ly.

Me: I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

Silence from the phone.

Me: Hello?

Daughter: I … … …. …n’t …. …. ..u.

Me: I heard the word “I” and I heard the word “You” but I couldn’t hear anything in bteween.”

Daughter: “I said you’re …. … … …ly.”

This went on for about ten minutes. I was able to catch up with my daughter and talk face-to-face with her. That was when I discovered that she spent the whole time trying to tell me that she couldn’t hear me.

I end up having a meaningful conversations like that almost every time I pick up a cell phone.